I just want someone to listen to me, is that too much to ask for?
Everyone wants their voice to be heard, to be understood, and to be emphasized. But oftentimes, their voices are not being heard.
I always believe communication plays a very big part in any relationship. It is a powerful and essential tool to connect people.
Communication seems easy but why are there still a lot of communication problems happening around us or sometimes to ourselves? I used to think that communication only requires both parties to talk and exchange information and messages and that’s it. Why are there still people who say communication is very hard?
We always think that communication is just talking, but to think deeper, it’s not. Just because you are talking, doesn’t mean that you are communicating. This is because true communication is more than just talking.
You can recall from your communication with others, do you just talk but not listen? Sometimes we do, we just spew out words that we want to deliver and want others to hear. We tend to talk more than listening, when it comes to communication. And that’s very normal. We thought communication required us to speak. But when it comes to good communication, it requires us to listen as well. It is not about hearing but “listening”.
I used to think I was a good listener and acquired listening skills. Often when people ask me what skills do you have, I tend to think that I am a good listener without knowing the true meaning of what it takes to consider myself as a good listener.
I thought being willing to hear someone when they speak is considered listening skills. But little did I realize it is more than that. We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding.
Society nowadays, everyone is too quick to share and give their opinion rather than quiet down and truly listen from someone. So far, in my encounters in life, I hear a lot of people who are good at speaking but real listeners are rare.
The biggest mistake in communication is that most of us do not listen to understand, but we listen to reply.
We tend to listen to half of the message, understand a quarter, and respond in double. When it comes to communication we are very tempted to reply to the person instead of understanding what they are talking about and sharing with us.
We all need others to listen to us when we talk, so when someone speaks to you, do you listen to that person also?
When someone shares with you her stories, struggles, complaints, and frustration, learn to listen first. Don’t jump too fast into conclusion and response. Take time to truly listen and understand.
Listening is a skill. Sometimes we take it for granted as if it’s something easy and natural. But the fact or at least to my experience, genuine listening is something that requires us to learn and practice every day.
Till now, I am still learning and practicing to genuinely listen to someone who talks and shares with me their stories and problems. My mistake was always listening and at the back of my mind was thinking what am I going to say in response, any solutions I could provide et cetera.
Genuine listening does not require us to have a wonderful response and solutions in mind. Not all problems need to be solved, sometimes it just needs to be heard.
In genuine listening, we just need to put ourselves in the person’s shoes. Try to listen and understand from their viewpoint instead of yours. Listen not just to the words, but to what’s behind the words. Listen to the hidden emotions, feelings, and needs.
“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self”
After all, we’re given two ears and one mouth for a reason.
So, let’s learn to listen at least twice as much as we speak.
Thank you for reading this article.
I’m Yee Von, MY Psychology’s intern,
With you, MY Psychology.
