Life is not as beautiful as I think it is……
When I was younger, I have always thought life is full of happiness, full of hope and full of wonderful things to be discovered. Being the youngest in my family, having all the privilege to access all the good things from my family members and I was well-taken care of by them.
Although I am not from a rich family background, my parents have always provided me with their very best in bringing me up. I do not have to worry about my necessary needs, being financially stable and blessed with all the good things from people around me, everything looks just as beautiful as it is.
Growing up from this environment, it shaped my thoughts to think that life has only one side, which is, the bright side.
Everyone in the world always appears to be happy and having a wonderful life in front of others. We always portray the best of ourselves to others and especially in our social media accounts. We choose to only show the best part of our life to others, which is the positive side: good food, good movies, travelling, happy family and many more.
But little did I know, there is always the flip side of everything. The absence of brightness is darkness, and the presence of positive sides does not nullify the negative one: everyone has a broken side as well.
People in this world appear to be very happy and seemingly fine on the outside, but deep down inside they are broken and struggling in pain. Most of us just pretend to be happy and pretend that we are having a good life.
As I grew up and experienced life on my own, I slowly realized that it wasn’t the truth at all. Even the most optimistic person in the world could be struggling with depression and people with anxiety can always pretend to be extremely relaxed on the outside. Humans have the tendency to mask their true feelings and emotions, especially the negative ones such as sadness, frustration, anger and so on.
Sometimes I wonder why people put on a mask and hide their true self, their true emotions. Is it only me or do most people have this tendency as well? Personally, I think everyone will experience hidden feelings in them one way or another. Often, the emotions and feelings that we are expressing to others might not always be a hundred percent of what we truly felt. Sometimes we might express a little and sometimes we might not.
The reason for people hiding behind their true feelings and emotions may vary from one to another. But it always comes with a motivation: what motivates people to mask their feelings?
Once I start thinking deeper, I begin to understand more, as everyone wants to have a positive self-image. Self-image refers to how you perceive others see you. Everyone has a set of images of their own that they want to portray to others. For example, their desired appearance, character, intellectual and their performance. They have a certain ideal image and self character which they will want others to view and acknowledge as it is.
Everyone desires to portray their best in front of others, the way they look and the way they speak and behave. No one wants to show their worst part and vulnerable side because we most often view it as a weakness. And this is the reason why we have hidden feelings, as most of the time the true feelings and emotions are usually those that are not socially acceptable: frustration, hatred, anger, jealousy, timidity and sadness. These are the feelings and emotions that have not appeared to be pleasant in front of others.
So, we try to hide and suppress all these ‘so-called’ negative emotions. But the attitude of trying to hide and suppress emotions can be very dangerous, as it causes a lot of problems to those who did that. This behaviour will not lessen the feeling but it actually intensifies the emotions. And the emotion becomes stronger and stronger until the point you might break down one day.
Throughout my lifetime so far, I have heard stories from others and experienced it myself about hiding and suppressing their feelings and emotions. It is normal to do that but it is not always a healthy move in the long-run. Positive and negative emotions are all emotions and they are equally important for us to build a healthy mental state.
Humans have the tendency to categorize happiness, excitement and optimism as positive emotions and sadness, anger, disappointment and guilt as negative one. But to think deeper all these emotions are positive, it is the way we perceive it that matters.
It is extremely important for us to express not only the so-called positive emotions but the negative as well because it is part of us, “our authentic feelings and emotions”. You do not have to hide but learn to validate your feelings and express it in a healthy manner.
Do not criticize yourself when you are experiencing or expressing negative emotions. Try to accept yourself as a “whole person”. All the good and bad that we are experiencing are the opportunity for us to discover places for us to grow as a person, to continually improve and strengthen our character and identity in this life.
Do not pretend you are happy when you are in your deepest pain, learn to confront your true feelings and express it in an accepting and healthy manner.
“Everyone is broken a little, and the most broken of all, are those who pretend they are not.”
Thank you for reading this article.
I’m Yee Von, MY Psychology’s intern,
With you, MY Psychology.